Accountability: People Skills with Anecdotes

Hello!

For this accountability session I'll be considering the points raised in Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. Long considered a basic handbook in human relations, this is not the first time I have read this book, however I feel that that a book such as this deserves to be read again. The book remains so important and referenced many people as a key influence in their lives decades after it was originally published, for those reading for the first time the insight you gain from it is invaluable, but for people on their second, third or fourth reading the text serves to remind you how to improve your people skills.

It was important that this was one of the first books I read in my agile transformation. A keystone to personal development is interacting with people something I am keen to admit has not been my strongsuit in the past. As someone who isn't particularly confident and can often come across as abrasive, my skills can be improved with the practices outlined in 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'.

Breaking the book down into the core principles I will attempt to exemplify what I've learned and how I hope to apply it:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

• Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
• I often critique myself more than is necessary, but this has also led me to judge others by the standards I put on myself. I will make a concerted effort to be a more positive person when reviewing people and their efforts. Complaining about myself or others does not do any good, I need to improve it with a scrum board!
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• I do honestly appreciate anything that people do for me and see merits in the efforts of people, however I should be more forthcoming with my praise
• Arouse in the other person an eager want.
• This links to my overall confidence, I know that what I may be suggesting is fun/important/valid however I need to ensure that I convey excitement when speaking.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Similarly to the previous points, I am often very interested in people and their stories, however I need to be more forthcoming in proactively asking them questions about themselves and their experiences
• Smile.
• I was often pulled in to the management office for not smiling when working in retail. True story. I have what is now commonly referred to as 'resting bitch face' meaning I look like I'm pissed off with anything and everyone, I must make a more concerted effort to smile.
• Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• I have always been terrified with names, I aim to use some of the devices mentioned in the book, such as association to help me improve my ability to remember names (and then use them)
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• MUST. GET. BETTER. AT. THIS.
• Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
• Need to assess where something is relevant to the other person's interest, it may be cool to me, but then again, not everyone has my dark sense of humour, nor my willingness to be so casual when I speak, I must cater my approach to my audience.
• Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
• This is a collation of the points above, remembering this core point will serve me well when attempting to make a good impression.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

• The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• Incredibly difficult for me as when I pick a side I fight tooth and claw to support my cause. I must learn to leave something when I feel it's getting heated, however not concede defeat as such.
• Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're Wrong."
• Similar to the point above, I must get better at attempting to see the other person's point of view and if I don't agree with it see logic in the way they arrived at that assumption. Even if I don't agree with their points I may admire their logic
• If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• I'm extending this slightly as when I admit I'm wrong I must learn to take full accountability for my errors
• Begin in a friendly way.
• Linked to my confidence, I must learn to be approachable and friendly when speaking to new people. Warming up people I know and those I don't to make them affable
• Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
• Interacting with an audience, I'm aware this concept works but I will have to be more thoughtful with my communication
• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• This can vary and I must learn not to get excited and too exuberant when a topic excites me or irritates me, I know all that I know, now I would like to listen and hear other people's experiences
• Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
• In a competitive environment this often gets lost however I must remember as long as the project is completed does it truly matter if I don't get all the credit? No.
• Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
• As infuriating as this may be some times, it is important to review that not everyone things the way I do and I must accommodate to this
• Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
• We all have hopes and dreams, some I may find laughable, but then again most people would find it bizarre that I want to speak at TED about zombies...
• Appeal to the nobler motives.
• Even if I disagree with someone I must remember we are often working toward a joint goal and appeal to others to work with me to achieve the greater good
• Dramatize your ideas.
• The best way to engage someone is through a narrative, conveyance of ideas in a story to show progress and resolution with spice is desirable
• Throw down a challenge.
• Exude passion in my voice, I also plan to do this with my inner voice and challenge myself constantly

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Linking to earlier points, I must be more forward when appraising people
• Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
• Even though it may be tempting singling out an individual is not to be done
• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• I'm my own worst critic, so this should hopefully be easy enough
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Linked to engaging with narrative, find out what's possible and see how we can work together to achieve that goal
• Let the other person save face.
• We all mess up and I sure as hell don't like being reminded by others about it, I torture myself enough
• Praise every improvement.
• The agile way! We are all stakeholders in each other and as MVP V1 launches we need to praise and appreciate the improvement
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
• I want my friends and coworkers to be  a team of winners, by declaring I already am is half the battle
• Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
• If something goes wrong it needs to be fixed, lamenting on the issue serves nobody, learn from mistakes, brush them off and roll along
• Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.
• Tying up the previous points I must convey excitement in my voice to enchant others to my way of thinking

These points, many in number are drenched with common sense and simplicity but are incredibly important. By applying them to my daily life I hope to improve my interactions with people which of course will help improve my progress in my sprints.

Thanks for reading!

The slightly more approachable Agile Timelord